Back on the Horse

So many times I think this life is meant to distract. Let me rephrase, what I meant was: so many times there are distractions that tend to...well distract us, from those things on which we should be focussing. Such has been the case with me over the past month. Distraction after mind numbing distraction have been parading through the life if Heart and myself. We attempted to jump into this autism thing feet first and created this sink or swim mentality. (Looking back it wasn't the best strategy.) We sank, and sank, and sank some more. We called the insurance company and were very politely told to "go jump in a lake" when it comes to diagnosis. For all of the "wonderful resources" that are available in our home state, it seems there are plenty of people that are pointing in different directions, yet none of them are willing to walk a little way down the path with you and let you know that it is all going to be alright. In fact, I feel like when you talk to people about it they give you this, "well what in the world am I supposed to do with that information" look. 

Thing is, Spirit doesn't look different, he doesn't act all that different either. Most people would look at him and say, "He's just quiet and keeps to himself." It's funny when you try to explain that he is different, people try to explain it away. "Oh he's not that different." or "It's not as bad as you think it is." Ok all of that may be true, until he has a meltdown, or the kids on the playground are mean to him and he doesn't understand why. The point is, I have been watching this kid for close to a decade and I am pretty in tune with how he will react in a given situation. So just trust me when I say, "He's going to react differently then you think he should."

Yet amid all the tears, frustrations, and downright nerve racking moments there are times when I see Spirit for who he is, and it is in those times that I am grateful to be able to share this unique experience with him. I heard a song by Jason Mraz and it speaks to how I feel when I look at Spirit.

When I look into your eyes
It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
There's so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find

'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up

I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not
And who I am

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
Still looking up.

I won't give up on us (no I'm not giving up)
God knows I'm tough enough (I am tough, I am loved)
We've got a lot to learn (we're alive, we are loved)
God knows we're worth it (and we're worth it)

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

I'm really not "post lyrics to a blog guy" but it's my blog and I promise these will be the only lyrics I ever post. And I think my new theme is "I'm still looking up."