Welcome to Superlativeville

I don't know if it is one of the tendencies of a child with High Functioning Autism, or if it is simply a characteristic of my son, but we have been living in an interesting town lately. The best name for the town  is Superlativeville. Spirit has been moving into the extreme of all situations. We had a little disagreement and I told him I wasn't going to play the game with him anymore. To which he promptly replied, "So you won't play with me ever again?" I tried to explain that I was simply talking about the situation we were in at the time, but he was very distraught that we weren't ever going to play again.

Welcome to Superlativeville, population: Spirit.

I have to keep this in mind as this tendency seems to be penetrating all of his interpretive and cognitive practices. Every interaction is very black or white, especially for those people that don't exist in Spirit's "box" as I like to call it. Spirit has a box, and that box is filled with people that he trusts, and he trusts them with his autistic tendencies. This is probably why we have such a hard time explaining to people that Spirit is HFA (High Functioning Autistic), he is so good at "turning it off" when he is placed in a situation full of people outside his "box" it is often hard for people to see the tendencies.

Spirit lives in Superlativeville, and that is why interactions are so difficult at times. For example there is a young man at school that either doesn't play with Spirit, or is passive about playing with him. This resulted in a conversation with Heart where he expressed that this particular young man "hates me." And there we are smack dab in the middle of Superlativeville. Thing is that all of the streets in Superlativeville run parallel there are no cross streets. Which means you are either on Best Friends Lane or Hate You Way. See what I mean, there is no cross street that a lot of us are on called Acquaintance Avenue. You are either on Best Friends Lane or Hate You Way, and the thing is that most kids don't even end up on a lane at all they are stuck watching Spirit from outside the city limits wondering why they can't seem to connect with anyone inside Superlativeville. The thing is there aren't any phones in this place, just a bunch of parallel streets leading to nowhere. Heart and I have become very familiar with many of the streets in Superlativeville. We have found that what we thought was Maybe Later Blvd. was actually a toll road to Never Going To Happen Lane, and be careful because that toll is one major meltdown. As Heart and I try to find a map to this happy little place, we find that the roads are always changing and the landmarks that could once be counted on to direct us are now completely changed.

All the while Spirit is trying to navigate the roads himself and finding it very difficult. Partly because he hates it when people try to construct crossroads. He is happy in Superlativeville. I mean let's face it if someone loves you then you can predict their behavior, if they hate you there is a similar predictability. It's those pesky cross streets that leave things up to interpretation.

I hope to one day get the map to Superlativeville, so that I can effectively assist Spirit in navigating its streets.

For now we are still looking up.

Back on the Horse

So many times I think this life is meant to distract. Let me rephrase, what I meant was: so many times there are distractions that tend to...well distract us, from those things on which we should be focussing. Such has been the case with me over the past month. Distraction after mind numbing distraction have been parading through the life if Heart and myself. We attempted to jump into this autism thing feet first and created this sink or swim mentality. (Looking back it wasn't the best strategy.) We sank, and sank, and sank some more. We called the insurance company and were very politely told to "go jump in a lake" when it comes to diagnosis. For all of the "wonderful resources" that are available in our home state, it seems there are plenty of people that are pointing in different directions, yet none of them are willing to walk a little way down the path with you and let you know that it is all going to be alright. In fact, I feel like when you talk to people about it they give you this, "well what in the world am I supposed to do with that information" look. 

Thing is, Spirit doesn't look different, he doesn't act all that different either. Most people would look at him and say, "He's just quiet and keeps to himself." It's funny when you try to explain that he is different, people try to explain it away. "Oh he's not that different." or "It's not as bad as you think it is." Ok all of that may be true, until he has a meltdown, or the kids on the playground are mean to him and he doesn't understand why. The point is, I have been watching this kid for close to a decade and I am pretty in tune with how he will react in a given situation. So just trust me when I say, "He's going to react differently then you think he should."

Yet amid all the tears, frustrations, and downright nerve racking moments there are times when I see Spirit for who he is, and it is in those times that I am grateful to be able to share this unique experience with him. I heard a song by Jason Mraz and it speaks to how I feel when I look at Spirit.

When I look into your eyes
It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
There's so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find

'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up

I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not
And who I am

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
Still looking up.

I won't give up on us (no I'm not giving up)
God knows I'm tough enough (I am tough, I am loved)
We've got a lot to learn (we're alive, we are loved)
God knows we're worth it (and we're worth it)

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

I'm really not "post lyrics to a blog guy" but it's my blog and I promise these will be the only lyrics I ever post. And I think my new theme is "I'm still looking up."