Unanswerable Questions

As the hours have turned into days, and I begin to connect the dots about Spirit's autism. I am beginning to have some frank conversations with my Heavenly Father. I do have to admit that it is mostly venting and He is a very good listener. So I ask the questions, not really expecting and answer, and knowing that all will be made known to Heart and I when the time is right. So here they are in no particular order:

Why Us? I'm not saying it in some pity party poor me kind of way. I know I have a Heavenly Father that knows all, and is in control of this ship. I get it. So why us? Did we choose him? Did he choose us? Did Heavenly Father just let it happen or did it happen as a result of something?

Why Him? Of all the people, in all the world, and of the other 70 boys that don't have to deal with this disorder, why him.

Who is he really? Without the limitations, the lack of emotion, and lack of environmental awareness. Who is he? Does he love basketball? Is he good at it? Does he play the guitar? Is he shy and reserved like his mom, or is he loud and obnoxious like his dad?

Where does his autism end and his agency begin? I think this has been the most perplexing of questions for me. How do I teach him to make right choices? How does the atonement work for him? Can one truly feel penitent when you can't really understand how someone else is feeling?

I know that someday we will sit down with our Heavenly Father and get to hammer all of this out, and I know that for right now we have to have faith that he knows what's best for all of us. So for now I will focus on a vision, whether I had it while I was sleeping or awake I can't really tell.

It's a vision of two brothers waiting in white robes in the pre-existense waiting for their calls and assignments. I don't know if their calls were delivered together or apart, but the realization quickly falls on them that they will be assigned to the same part of the world, in fact they will be in the same family. One a father and the other the son. I can't see the rest of the story because it all becomes a little blurry, but I know this, in the call the son realizes that he will come to this Earth with some limitations and some talents, as we all do, his though will be just a little more limiting. Tears well up in the son's eyes and the father embraces his brother and friend, that will soon be his son, and simply says: "Best Buds Forever and Ever."

It was a promise I made many many years ago and regardless of the never ending waves of unanswerable questions, I will forever have Spirit's back, and although he may look back and think we saved him. In the end I believe it will be him that saves us.