Inside Out

We just saw (for the second time, because apparently that's our thing now) one of the most well executed films I have ever seen. Inside Out should be required viewing for every parent, and Autism Parents should have to watch it once a day for the rest of the foreseeable future. In it one can find the type of imagery that can only be created by PIXAR, and the lessons that will last a lifetime that can only come through the execution of an amazing story. Why should Autism Parents have to watch this film every day? Because it helps them remember that Autism is the reason children don't respond the way they should. If you can imagine Riley's head without the console. Remember when she was a baby and there was one big button? Remember that the strength of the emotion Joy or Sadness was based on that button? Well imagine Riley's head where every emotion had it's own button, and their own screen. That would be Spirit's head in a nutshell. All of his emotions vying for complete control of his mind and body. All of them seeing the situation as their opportunity to control the situation. What a mess that would be! How hard would it be to discern what was right. Especially when perception is skewed by each emotion's own interpretation. Oh yeah I forgot, they don't talk to each other either. SO Joy isn't talking Sadness out of her reaction, Anger isn't overriding Fear. Nothing but raw unbridled reaction. Wow my kid is amazing! Because in spite of all that confusion, all that misinterpretation, he finds a way to function. Don't ask me how. I know I couldn't do it. So let's tip our cap to all the kids with disorders. The kids whose headquarters aren't nearly as organized as Riley's. Because those are the kids that should be celebrated. 

It's been a year

Well it's been a year and much has happened. So I'll catch you up...yeah that's not happening. Look I am starting afresh and hoping that you'll forgive my lack of blogging it's been a wild year. Since Spirit's ordination we have been to Disneyland with Heart's family, had Christmas, been to two Autism Galas, and had another birthday. So I'll leave it at that. Blogs are about the here and now anyway so to the three people that actually read this...here goes. A new start and another movie. (Cause we're really into movies.)

Milestones

Some days you wonder what it all means. You blast away at the rubble trying to clear a spot in the cave in to see the light. Hoping that there is something worth it at the end. Too many times it becomes about "big events." It's about milestones. Days you can point to and say: "Yep, that's where we made it to the top of the mountain."

What a bunch of garbage!

This life is made up of a million tiny victories and defeats, and today...well today was one of those days. A little victory, filled with the culmination of hundreds, if not thousands little choices and victories. Today was Spirit's ordination day.

For those that are unfamiliar, we believe, once a young man has reached the age of twelve they are eligible to receive the Aaronic Priesthood, if they so choose. Spirit chose to receive the priesthood today. A milestone? I sure hope not. I hope it's a stepping stone. This isn't the top of the mountain, it's the beginning of the path. I had the privileged to act as the conduit for the transmission of that priesthood, and was acutely aware that this is no milestone. Rather, it is his natural progression, and although some days his autism seems like his AUTISM!, we find ourselves on a journey that puts him in the lead. Not born of choice, but born of his purity. His limitations are minuscule compared to his goodness and I know his Savior knows it.

So amid the complaints that will accompany his additional responsibility, I know that the priesthood he bears, and will ever be worth to bear, will supersede mine in its power because of his ability to shut out the world that so easily distracts me.

The Eye Of The Storm

I have never experienced a hurricane. The closest I have come to any sort of natural disaster is when they closed school because we had 18" of snow in one night. I've watched in awe and fear as newscasters try to continue broadcasting from the shores of some beach, and I can't help thinking:

"Wow...what an idiot."

He or she stands there on the brink of disaster, trying to assist those of us at home in our safe houses in imagining the fury of something like that storm. I watch the wind whip the reporters raincoat and see the rain pounding like pellets being cast from the heavens and I wonder what possesses anyone to stand there while the impending doom of 70+ mph winds bearing down on them like the sweeping hand of God comes their way. Then it hits me, they stand there so the rest of us don't have to, they stand there because they see things that others can't, or are too afraid to see.

I watched that reporter today, watched him standing in the eye of the storm as he so often does, trying desperately not to be swallowed up by the chaos that threatened to rip his world to shreds all around him. I watched as the eye of the storm began to shrink and those awful howling winds began to creep ever closer to the reporter. As is often the case, the signal became garbled and I was only receiving parts of the whole message as the fury of the storm crept ever closer to the reporter. Eventually we lost all communication for a time, and were quite worried that we would never see the reporter again. 

Then slowly, miraculously even, the signal began to return and we were relieved to find him alive. The storm had swallowed him up, tossed him about like a rag doll, then deposited him right where he started, exhausted from fighting against the wind and hail that beat him into submission. I watched that reporter, get to his feet, regain his composure, and once again begin to report the news. He was a little beaten, but unbroken, and as his newscast closed for the evening all who had seen the storm approaching wondered how he had survived. I admired him, was happy I had stayed tuned in, and then was humbled when I realized that he had fought the whole thing off.

Its a metaphor, and probably not a good one, but it describes our day perfectly. Spirit, I watch you in the eye of the storm and wonder how you will ever make it. I watch you as you delay the inevitable and continue to report until the last possible moment. Then I watch you rise from the hurricane that seems to try to destroy you, and you come back ready to report again. You are amazing, and I will be there every time the storm engulfs you. Praying that I can help you, knowing that I can't, but still praying, ever praying for that little boy in the storms created by your mind.

I love you.

A Father's Prayer

Good Evening Father, its me tonight, and we've come to it again.

One of your sons needs your help, to protect him from the wind.

Some days they blow so hard it seems they'll carry us away.

And keep us from returning to that place thou'd have us stay.

I know before, thou dids't commission me, to protect him from this place.

To keep him safe from all the storms, and teach him of thy grace.

And Tonight I feel like Peter, running to wake thy Son.

"Master the tempest! How can we survive? I fear we're all undone!"

I know this is the mission I was sent here to do.

To help them both move on their way and bring them back to you.

But some days the billows toss so high and play on the angry deep.

And on this night I lie awake and I find it hard to sleep.

The veil it seems is extra thick inside his little mind.

His Spirit bumps against its walls and struggles a weakness to find.

If we could look into the past, to days long gone I'm sure

We'd see a warrior of light and truth, of strength and intention pure.

But as I said the wind it blows, the billows toss, the ship it sways,

And makes it all so hard to see, you're promise of better days

So for tonight I've one request, only one thing I need.

Just let Our son sleep comfortably another day to see. 

For someday soon your promise is, I'll see him this is sure

The veil be gone, his mind made whole, his Spirit holy and pure.

I'll let him rest in Thy care tonight, I've done all I can do

And so Dear Father I entrust his care this night to only You

Thou art the only one I trust to love him as I do

For the rest of my life I will freely give,

To Him, to Her and to You.

Days Like Today

Spirit you need to know that your mom is a saint. She's a saint because of days like today. In order to explain it to you I need to start with the picture below.

Ya see Mom's job today was to cross this river (metaphorically speaking). The river is you, Mom had some things to do with you today, that represents crossing the river. What she realized very early in the day was that this river wasn't as calm as it looked. There was a school of piranhas lurking underneath these calm waters, ready to devour anything or anyone that dared attempt to cross it. 

Autism does that sometimes. It sneaks up on both you and your mother. You react in ways she can't predict, and you can't control. It's taxing for both of you. So when you read this and you understand what it was like for her today, give her a hug and tell her you love her. 

Sometimes she even waded into the water and got attacked, but give her some credit she got across the river. Even with all of those piranhas lurking. Part of the calling of being your mom, and she doesn't flinch a bit. 

So give it up to the two superheroes in our home. You, for fighting off your autism, and your mom for making you her priority...always.

That's why she's our Heart.

Movie Nights

You watched Kung Fu Panda for the 1000th time tonight. You giggled at Po and the never ending slapstick he provides. The Dragon Warrior that never really fit in. All the time wanting to be more, knowing that his story was bigger than the situation life had thrown at him. 

Kinda reminds me of my hero. He's a kid  that finds himself in a very similar situation to Po. Many of his physical attributes keep him from being all the things he wishes he could be. Many of the people around him feel as though he doesn't quite fit in, but like Po, this kid never gives up. He chooses to see the good in everyone and assumes that the bad is just a misunderstanding. What a great way to live! Too often I let my skepticism reek havoc on what I should really see. Family, friends, brothers, and sisters. 

Like Po, Spirit, you see the potential in others, and I envy your perspective. As always you teach me lessons that I have trouble learning on my own. And like your friend Po, I think one day we will kneel at your feet and recognize the true measure of your character, and the breadth and depth of your obedience and understanding of the plan of your Heavenly Father.

For now, know that I am watching and keeping watch, until you are ready to take the reigns.

Love,

Guts