A Father's Prayer

Good Evening Father, its me tonight, and we've come to it again.

One of your sons needs your help, to protect him from the wind.

Some days they blow so hard it seems they'll carry us away.

And keep us from returning to that place thou'd have us stay.

I know before, thou dids't commission me, to protect him from this place.

To keep him safe from all the storms, and teach him of thy grace.

And Tonight I feel like Peter, running to wake thy Son.

"Master the tempest! How can we survive? I fear we're all undone!"

I know this is the mission I was sent here to do.

To help them both move on their way and bring them back to you.

But some days the billows toss so high and play on the angry deep.

And on this night I lie awake and I find it hard to sleep.

The veil it seems is extra thick inside his little mind.

His Spirit bumps against its walls and struggles a weakness to find.

If we could look into the past, to days long gone I'm sure

We'd see a warrior of light and truth, of strength and intention pure.

But as I said the wind it blows, the billows toss, the ship it sways,

And makes it all so hard to see, you're promise of better days

So for tonight I've one request, only one thing I need.

Just let Our son sleep comfortably another day to see. 

For someday soon your promise is, I'll see him this is sure

The veil be gone, his mind made whole, his Spirit holy and pure.

I'll let him rest in Thy care tonight, I've done all I can do

And so Dear Father I entrust his care this night to only You

Thou art the only one I trust to love him as I do

For the rest of my life I will freely give,

To Him, to Her and to You.

Days Like Today

Spirit you need to know that your mom is a saint. She's a saint because of days like today. In order to explain it to you I need to start with the picture below.

Ya see Mom's job today was to cross this river (metaphorically speaking). The river is you, Mom had some things to do with you today, that represents crossing the river. What she realized very early in the day was that this river wasn't as calm as it looked. There was a school of piranhas lurking underneath these calm waters, ready to devour anything or anyone that dared attempt to cross it. 

Autism does that sometimes. It sneaks up on both you and your mother. You react in ways she can't predict, and you can't control. It's taxing for both of you. So when you read this and you understand what it was like for her today, give her a hug and tell her you love her. 

Sometimes she even waded into the water and got attacked, but give her some credit she got across the river. Even with all of those piranhas lurking. Part of the calling of being your mom, and she doesn't flinch a bit. 

So give it up to the two superheroes in our home. You, for fighting off your autism, and your mom for making you her priority...always.

That's why she's our Heart.

Movie Nights

You watched Kung Fu Panda for the 1000th time tonight. You giggled at Po and the never ending slapstick he provides. The Dragon Warrior that never really fit in. All the time wanting to be more, knowing that his story was bigger than the situation life had thrown at him. 

Kinda reminds me of my hero. He's a kid  that finds himself in a very similar situation to Po. Many of his physical attributes keep him from being all the things he wishes he could be. Many of the people around him feel as though he doesn't quite fit in, but like Po, this kid never gives up. He chooses to see the good in everyone and assumes that the bad is just a misunderstanding. What a great way to live! Too often I let my skepticism reek havoc on what I should really see. Family, friends, brothers, and sisters. 

Like Po, Spirit, you see the potential in others, and I envy your perspective. As always you teach me lessons that I have trouble learning on my own. And like your friend Po, I think one day we will kneel at your feet and recognize the true measure of your character, and the breadth and depth of your obedience and understanding of the plan of your Heavenly Father.

For now, know that I am watching and keeping watch, until you are ready to take the reigns.

Love,

Guts

I'll Find You

You fought off the fever as best you could, but the medicine hadn’t kicked in and it was apparent that your senses were even more exposed than they usually are. 

You shivered in the lobby of the photo studio begging your mother and I to take you home, as I prayed that the medicine would take hold and assist your body in fighting off the fever. 

We had planned on the pictures for months now and rescheduling was a hard option that we were staring directly in the face. I wasn’t counting on the photographer. Here we were smack in the middle of one of your more epic meltdowns, and he came outside, and asked if you would like to take pictures outside where it was warm. 

It was so simple, so unnecessary, and yet he came your way, and you started to tame the monster inside of you. Your eyes were red, your arms crossed in a protective stance. Guarding yourself from the things in this world that constantly assault you. You were still closed off to the world, but we came to you. I let you lash out at me, as you usually do, and he came with an olive branch. I promised you a long time ago that wherever you go, I would follow and find you when the monster came out to play. I am thankful today for the help of a stranger. 

Thanks Luke

Explaining the Unexplainable to Spirit

"I'm afraid to go to school," said Spirit.

"Why's that pal?" I reply.

"I don't want to get killed."

So much of this life we spend time focussing on the menial, we scurry around involved in the thick of thin things. Trying to make sense of the confusion. Then something happens that shines a light on the importance of seeing through the confusion. I won't focus on the tragedy, I choose not to give fame to the heinous acts of a disturbed individual, but I do look to understand the plan of my Father in Heaven. It is with this logic in mind that I answered my son.

Spirit's autism has kept him guarded from these types of tragedies, he has heard the news with little reaction. Maybe it was the fact that a school was involved, maybe it was because he becomes increasingly more aware of this world with each passing day, or maybe its because he isn't as desensitized as those of us that have been indoctrinated in the media environment that exists in today's world, but Spirit was concerned, first for his own safety, and then for the other children.

"I hope a criminal doesn't break into my school."

It's frightening for him, and I have to admit it's frightening for me. So Spirit, I am going to try and explain the unexplainables of this world. You may not understand it right now, and will probably have to settle for a simpler answer from me for the time being, but I believe that one day you will need this, and I think that I am in the right frame of mind to give an answer. (The tragedy in Connecticut fresh on my mind.) So here goes...

Why do things like this happen?

Short answer pal, I haven't a clue. Let me tell you what I do know. We all came to Earth with agency, it was a gift from our Heavenly Father that was so precious to him that he cast out one third of his children that tried to destroy it. Father in Heaven knew that his sons and daughters would use this agency to make good choices and bad choices, so he created a proving ground. We are in that proving ground now. Earth, is the perfect place for us to work out our imperfect judgement, and understand how our choices can have eternal effects on our entire existence. With this proving ground came a way to make up for bad choices, the Atonement, Heavenly Father put in a built in failsafe. The Savior came to Earth to do two things: 1) He came to suffer for the sins of everyone that ever lived on the Earth so that we have the opportunity to make right the things we can't. 2) He came to feel all of the pains of every person that has ever lived on the planet. This means that he can offer comfort to everyone involved in any tragic situation. So you can see that Heavenly Father planned for the dumb things that his children would do.

Why does Heavenly Father let these types of things happen?

Let's talk about what Heavenly Father knows first. He knows all things, the end and the beginning. That can be confusing, so let me put it this way. It is impossible to throw Heavenly Father a surprise party. That means that he knows what's going to happen before it happens. He knows the decisions we will make, BEFORE we make them. Keep in mind we still have to make the decisions, but the outcome is known to Heavenly Father, so that means he can plan for help, plan for lessons to learn, and plan to make sure everything works out.

Above all Spirit know that Heavenly Father loves us! THIS ABOVE ALL.

So say your prayers, know that your Heavenly Father, and your Earthly Father, will work together and our hardest to make this world as easy and beneficial as possible. We love you and will protect you at all costs. Believe it or not He loves you just as much as I do, He may say more, but I think He's okay with the tie. I think He is okay if I speak for both of us. We love you!

Love,

Guts

Boy on the Train

He sits on the train, eyes darting from side to side. Like a prize fighter waiting for the next punch to be thrown. He looks like the train scares him. He focuses on the scenery trying not to let the noise, the shaking, the faces, bother him. He looks at me, very unintentionally mind you, I smile, he looks at the ground, and there it is. I can see autism...can you?

I think "What a brave young man."

He can't be more than seventeen. The others can't see it. They can't see him fighting it off. Focussing to keep himself in check. He rubs his hands together like he's cold. I know better, he's found an ingenious little way to stim without drawing too much attnetion. I smile, and a tear hides behind my eye.

I want to shout at the people: "Can't you see it?! Can't you see how heroic he's being?! This train is like hell on Earth for him and here he sits! No meltdown not even a hint of Echolalia! This kid deserves a standing ovation!"

There they sit, oblivious to his heroism. Well I see it little Jazz fan, and it's amazing. Way to go buddy!

I think about Spirit, he will be this boy someday.

Spirit, in case I haven't told you, you'll always be my hero.

Love,

Guts

We're Learning!

Heart, Spirit, and I went to the lights at Temple Square, but this year things were different. In past years we have gone to the lights (a family tradition since before Spirit's birth) and the night has usually ended with Spirit throwing a fit, in tears, and his mother and I confused, a little frustrated and a lot flabbergasted at what had occurred. Last year didn't end that way, but Spirit's mother and I were still just as befuddled. See my post A Visit To the Museum With the Tasmanian Devil for more details of last year's trip.

As I said this year was different, although my description of the events could be described as identical. Spirit wanted to go to the children's museum atop the Church History Museum. We blew through it in thirty-three seconds, and Heart and I smiled. We took the escalator up, and the elevator down. (A compromise. That's a big deal for you Non-HFA parents out there.) We met Heart's family outside the museum and headed to Temple Square. We decided to go to the lights right after the Thanksgiving Holiday to avoid the inevitable crowds, and to enjoy some unseasonably warm weather. Spirit was on a mission as soon as we passed through the gates, yet there was something different this time. He rushed to the visitor's center making sure to pass by the life size nativity. He noted the beauty of the scene and continued walking. We headed into the Visitor's Center for a quick potty break and then were back at it. A left at the nativity and we were headed toward the Assembly Hall, passing the Tabernacle. A comment about the choir singing and where they sing. Then a left again at the Assembly Hall and off to the plaza for a photo op at the reflecting pool, the podium in front of the grass and temple, and we're done with the lights. Total time approximately seventeen minutes. Heart's family, and Heart, and myself just smile.

Then Guts remembers that there is a Disney Store in the new mall across the street. A quick mention of this and we just bought some more time with a "preferred activity." Once we are at the Disney Store we can focus in on some objects that tickle our fancy. After about eight minutes in the Disney Store we got our first, "I'm hungry, can we go home." Heart lets him know that we are going to go out to eat at one of his preferred eateries. The walk is about five blocks and, of course, we get stopped at every intersection. We make it to the restaurant just in time to get him fed, and it is time to go home... unfortunately we took the train into town, so now we are waiting at a station. This wouldn't be a problem except for the sign. The designers of the train stations we smart men. They decided that it would be easier and more convenient for the riders if they could predict when another train was coming. This prompted the hanging of a digital sign that indicated the approximate time a train would arrive...approximate....time. Autism...meltdown. I don't know if there was a slow pedestrian, a wheelchair that needed to get on the train and took a little more time, or if there was just someone that was extra cautious behind the wheel, but the train was a couple of minutes behind the approximate scheduled arrival time. This was bad enough, but the digital sign that broke the meltdown's back was the popup, you see when a train's time has come, the next trains arrival time pops up. Well my little autistic Spirit freaked out when the train we were waiting for disappeared and the next train's arrival time popped up. KABOOM!

So Heart and I got to ride home with The Dark Lord of the Meltdowns, Emperor Palpatine would be proud Spirit!

Next year no train, I don't want to experience FORCE LIGHTNING, that stuff kicked Luke's trash!